my thoughts on the current issues

I been with the circus and the sideshow since it started.....
I remember me, laurana, and Mike Officer being there just about everyday working......... trying to trust in laurana's vision and man I am glad I did.... to me allot of the issues with attendence and trust and things like that are more a question....
do I trust the other members... well yes I do but the may not have the same opinion as I do..... so here is what I think....
What is the real issue..... attendance not quarum.... people don't want to come out anymore we have in many ways lost site of what our goals are...........

we need to remember what the circus is our thoughts our goals... we should all take time to reflect on what made us be a part of this........
it at first was trusting in the ideas of someone else because she believed in others..... in my ideas in your ideas and the idea that a group of people can make beautiful things happen with a thought or a vision.....

What made us be excited in the past still excites us..... the problem is that we are not all there yet..... theres still work to be done.........

currently its geting excited again so we may excite others.....
Communication is the key its the key to understanding each other.....

There has been allot of question about matt...... but very little I think gets told to him... and when it does its in a way that sound finger pointing.....

I am not trying to be a mediator.... I care about the circus I care about it as if it was a child I am watching grow up and now its starting school and there are conflicts at class.....
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well this is a lesson..... some of us have trouble understanding what motviates others or don't trust the motives of others.........

I am someone who largely have been misunderstood my whole life I am still misunderstood......by people I work with for instance at the O.E....... NOW I care about those people in a strange way I think its mutual.... but they don't understand me or my motives in life......and by trying to "help" me they insult me..... but they don't know that they are being insulting they think they are doing whats right.......
maybe we do need to that in life.......... to be insulted..... to be misunderstood..... so when you see that your on the other end or watching a similar senerio you can call it what it is..... that maybe that is what it is to be kindred or to be working together......
thats how we may open our minds to others ideas.......

Matts goals are not always my own I disagree with him allot and is way of doing things can honestly make me go nutty.....in fact most of the time he says things that I really really don't quite understand..... not in a what does that word mean kind of way more of a what do you mean by that...... kind of way.....
here is the thing I think when he randomly says the sky is purple its not him trying to mess with you... he honestly thinks the sky is purple....
its really just a differant perspective.....
I think we all misunderstand each other all the time...Matt is taking alllot of heat these day and honestly I too have been fusterated in the past but, I try to be open about it......
Look when I did the found art show matt was extreamly helpful..... he didn't ask for much in return I am thankful he was there....
he came and rescued me when I was stranded in columbus..........

He isn't a bad guy just misunderstood like the rest of us...... he means well.... doesn't mean he is always right or we should agree with him all the time.... but he puts in ton of thankless work..... he tries his hardest to do as much as he can.......... Matt is terrible with people he admits that..... but more times than not he is the one thats there..... we do that to time because there is nobody else willing or able to put in the hours that he has..... matt is dedicated to this project... to the circus......He is so proud to be a member of something worth while..... should we all be that proud.....shouldn't we all be that big a part of it.......Look we all have an ego and sometimes it gets bruised.... Matt too has an ego so do I its part of our mind.....
So if I am being a little to bossy or to militant about something I am hoping that you or anyone would say hey backdown its rubbing people the wrong way....

If matt is being to "in charge" I guess we should do something of the same..... but here is the clencher..... who else is going to do what ever it is he does....
I have and Idea lets all GROW together........

I have trouble putting my thoughts into words...... I have allot of them see hehehehe looks like jumble.... can someone help me with that....? I bet I could help matt with people.... I am good with people.... or so I am told.....

who is good at teaching? anyone? maybe a combination can help some of us grow....

I just feel myself included that there has been so many attacks on matts character ...... so many thoughts of matt being on a "power trip" I think I have even used that word..... and I apologize for ever using it..... I should said hey matt you seem on a power trip and talked it out because we all need to comunicate or this group the circus will fall......

Matts is not a guy who thinks he is the coolest person since slice bread or on any sort of power trip...... in fact not even close......... he is simpley not so simpley someone like myself even who has some issues and at times say off the wall shit to make up for his lack of ability to be comfy in a conversation or in his own shoes...... I remember being over the top silly(still am but slightly more controlled) all the time because I so badly just wanted to have friends and be liked..... man there where a couple of people at the new school I was going to that really took me under there wing and pretty much showed me that I was liked and didn't have to"show off" to get attention..... I was fine I just needed someone to say he just "be cool" your Okay....

Not trying to call matt out infact this is more of a calling myself out not even anyone else really.... everyone knows how they have felt..............

I fell like this is the best way to say how I feel or HOW I have seen others feel.... and this is what I SEE this is honest.... and what it is.....

I can be wrong I have been in the past.... this is all I am summing up to so can you and so can matt its okay to be wrong....we should be so quick to judge....
There are people I tend to not like, thats my own personal battle to understand them better.........
some personalities are just conflicting.... so I stay away from them.......

Or I try to understand them so that some day I can know myself and reach a state of self actualization......

in closing lets get back to the dream we all have had..... okay? let work together..... lets figure this out.....everything is okay if we let it be....

we are all very bright people..... to smart to let what has been happening to us happen.....

So here I am comunicating..... um is it working?

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