Matt sugested that if I have something else to say about the circus space, and not being let in, I say it here in a personal blog instead of about a blog that is about a monthly meeting. I didn't bring it up because I want to be angry or right. I think that is an example of how the circus operates exclusively sometimes. I think it could have been handled better. I think at the least a vote should have been taken or a meeting should have been held where I was invited or I should have been contacted about it. It shouldn't have been handled sneaky the way it was. Matt was living there illegagly in the first place, so that isn't really a justifiable reason for keeping me out. Another option would have been to mediate the situation or come to some agreement where we could use the studio at different times than one another, if it really was based on personal problems between Matt and I. Raising concerns and concerns of others who came to me about Matt living in the space where they might want to work is valid. If you don't believe them, then fine, but unless you read minds you can't really know they are false unless you are Matt or one of the people that may have been involved. Believing and knowing are two different things. Perhaps a way to bring this to some kind of end would be to discuss a way to deal with a situation like this in the future in a fair and no exclusive way. All people make mistakes. I think just like the Circus is able to move past hesitations they had about me I am willing to drop this and work towards making the new studio a better place. All I am saying is, I think that the circus should address the situation and resolve it, so that it doesn't happen in the future. If the Circus wants to operate in an exclusive manner than it should re examine it's core values and what it claims to represent and present itself as a Private club rather than a collective for the community.

As far as insulting the Circus. Any insulting I may have done of the circus was probably a result of many attempts to use materials and not being allowed, being kept out of space, being told there was no room left in shows and watching others walk in last minute and being allowed to show, or being told I could design a flier and had the oppurtunity taken away from me because I didn't agree with someone. This would make anyone mad, and the circus can't expect to treat people like this and them not say anything. I think part of getting better and growing stronger as a collective has allot to do with accepting critisism. If the circus becomes this thing that no one can critisize or everyone gets defensive like you're talking about their family or someone's mama, then it's naver going to improve. That's also no reason to keep someone out of a studio. The productive thing to do would be to address the problems, not ignore them, and try to resolve them in a FAIR way.

This reminds me. In my opinion, whoever started the rumor that the circus trashed a space they used for the sideshow might actually feel like that's true. Instead of everyone getting pissed off and trying to find out who it is so they can ostracize them, maybe they should try seeing what made them feel this way and if they can do anything to set things right. Maybe that's not possible, but people's negative feelings are valid. When I called someone about using the Merc for a show he told me he'd never work with me or anyone who was a part of the circus again because the Merc was trashed after sideshow 3 and people were disrespectful. I brought this to several peoples attention and said we should try to apologize or make amends. No one I talked to saw that as important and I didn't feel at the time since I was being excluded from the group, I was a great representative to address him. I may be one of the loudest unhappy people about the way things operate, but I am far from the only one.

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